Corona Chronicles: Do we dress up for ourselves or others?

I LOVE dressing up – or so I thought. As a full-time working mom, incorrigible social butterfly, and IG-worthy cafe headhunter, I used to spend more time out of the house than inside – back when it was allowed. I revelled in getting ready no matter what the occasion – a 5 am start to make a 2.5 hour commute or a lazy weekend hunt for the perfectly fluffy pancakes.

At the beginning of 2020, I had pledged to focus more on mindful fashion, slowly working towards building a capsule wardrobe of sorts. The idea was to have a curated collection of working pieces that would bring me joy and reusability, each outfit a promise of ongoing adventure rather than a one night/day stand. The sartorial high is real – looking at my racks of midi dresses and printed shirts brought me a rush of nostalgia and excitement. I was creating multiple ‘looks’ out of key pieces instead of constantly adding new ones, and feeling chuffed, eco-fashionably so.

Then Covid-19 happened. Our wardrobe shrunk to PJs/loungewear and our sartorial adventures died a slow, painful death. My outside-world clothes hang uselessly in my wardrobe, losing lustre under three months of pandemic dust. Once evoking excitement, my stagnant wardrobe makes me sad and guilty these days. I cannot help but wonder: was dressing up all about others?

For many of us, dressing up is synonymous to self-care. Losing the motivation to don real clothes has resulted in a daily loss of enjoyment. For others, it has meant flexibility and freedom. We are getting snug in our leggings (oddly reminiscent of new mum days) and questioning anyone who dares to show up in jeans (and what are you trying to prove, exactly?). We have perfected the art of waist-up dressing for Zoom calls, focusing only on our top halves to look presentable. It’s like dressing-up was an inconvenience we have been carrying on with all our lives just because it was the socially acceptable thing to do. It begs the question: do we dress up primarily for others? Do we care for the pure joy of the act or do we just want to be ‘seen’? Is our own sartorial pleasure enough or does it mean something only when witnessed by others? If we donned an outfit and no one saw it, did it even exist?

I asked two fashion and lifestyle bloggers their take on this Covid Conundrum. Here’s what they had to say!

TMM: Do we dress up for ourselves or others? What do you think, Shehzeen?

Shehzeen: You know, this question is so much bigger for me than just about your clothes. 🙂 I feel like it’s a larger life question, do we live for ourselves or for others? Being in my mid-30s, my experience in life is not excessive but it’s still good enough 🙂 and through the years, I’ve always found myself to be the most satisfied, and mentally sorted when I’ve chosen to live for myself. And that I feel is not just a one-time transaction that you execute, but a conscious decision that you make everyday. I choose to live for myself each day. 🙂

Coming back to the dressing bit, along with the getting-ready-for-me part, it’s also about doing things the way they help me function best. And I think when we dress up for things to get the most out of them *for us*, and not to appeal to a certain demographic or to fit in with a crowd or to just look presentable…for someone else – that is when we’re able to do that thing most purposefully. I remember being terribly bullied in my college for wearing the same pair of shoes for two years straight – it’s not that I couldn’t afford new shoes or that I thought having more pairs was frivolous – I was just okay with making it through with that one pair. It was comfortable, I liked it. I didn’t think beyond that. Despite the jokes, the bullying, I continued to wear them, because I was always wearing them for me.

Today, I dress up at home every single day, because I enjoy it. And because I want to do justice to my day. Hours in my life are very sacred to me and when I know I do things better when I put care into myself – whether that’s good oral hygiene or a clean pair of jeans – I’m always going to choose that. And contrary to what people reduce ‘dressing up’ to – I also ‘dress up’ for my evenings. So as the sun sets 🙂 and I wrap up my work, I slip into a comfortable, clean pair of pajamas because to unwind and relax into my evening, that’s what helps me function best. It’s not really just about wearing fancy clothes – it’s about being ready for parts of your day in the outfits that help them turn out well.

Do we dress up for ourselves or others? It’s ok to want to dress up for other people too, it’s super fun at times to put on your best face for your loved ones and hang out and have chai 🙂 or look all sorted for an important presentation, but to me that cannot be higher in priority over dressing up for myself. Because that means there are parts of my day that I’m living only for other people, and that’s something I cannot do to myself. 🙂

TMM: What is one outfit you are looking forward to wearing outside once we can all socially mingle again?

Shehzeen: You know, I struggled with this a bit because I pretty much wear everything at home, LOL (judging my own self right now, tbh). But I think my sneakers? I don’t go out much even though Australia has had so many restrictions lifted, so our trips are still mostly to the grocery store etc. I’m no longer making the effort to put on my sneakers (it takes a while) and have just been doing basic slip-ons constantly. And maybe handbags? I wore my handbag last week after months! Because I got used to carrying around as less as possible during peak COVID times to avoid contamination. So yes, sneakers and handbags. 🙂

TMM: Fashion will probably never be the same again, along with many other aspects of our life. How do you see your style adapting to our ‘new normal’?

Shehzeen: I personally think I’m already very minimal in my style in the sense that I mostly wear very basic pieces and enjoy mixing and matching things. Several of my clothes are years old and I rarely ever buy something which is ‘on trend’. I buy stuff on the basis that it should make me feel good and have a life in terms of how many ways I can use it. So this is a little hard for me to answer, since I’ve never really been into shopping for fashion/trends/seasons etc.

So I’ll just probably mention what I want to do with the things I’ve learnt during this time. I’d love to expand my current approach, to become more sustainable and responsible with my clothing choices. So definitely choose a slightly higher price point if it promises better quality (so it doesn’t have to be replaced in a few months, thereby avoiding excess consumption and adding to the landfill). Also, trying (and this is hard because options are limited and I’m not 100% there personally) to purchase more ethically made items. And also slowly wake myself upto unfair labor practices – we speak about stopping child labor, but many of our fashion brands employ children in their factories in countries like Pakistan and India where these things go unchecked. Also, I wish this was more easily accessible but buying more local craft of different cultures, made by talented people in smaller towns, and help expand their businesses and also add depth to my own collection.

TMM: Do we dress up for ourselves or others? What do you think, Lamisa?

Lamisa: Do we dress up for ourselves or for others? I think it depends on the person. I could argue both sides. Some people find dressing up more taxing than doing dishes. It isn’t something they care for and hence isn’t something they do for themselves. Personally, I dress up for myself. Being a freelancer, I don’t have a nine-to-five schedule. What that essentially means is that there isn’t a strict dress code I have to follow, whether that’s for in-person work, school or zoom meetings. So do I show up in my loungewear for zoom meetings for work or school? Absolutely not. However, that’s a choice I make with my conscious mind. I like to look the part because at the end of the day, how you present yourself does impact others’ perception of you. That being said, no one is asking me to dress a certain way. It’s something I do for myself. On the content creator side of things, I definitely 100% dress for myself. Growing up, fashion has been my favourite medium for self expression. Some people like to write; some like to draw. My canvas is my body and the outfit I style is my art. Dressing up and looking good always translates into my mood. The days I look good, I feel good.

TMM: What is one outfit you are looking forward to wearing outside once we can all socially mingle again?

Lamisa: The outfit I’m looking forward to wearing once it’s socially acceptable to step out and mingle is a simple sundress. In New York or Toronto, it’s cold most of the year and you’ll typically catch me in hoodies or cardigans. Summer is the season for colors and patterns, which are things I avoid most of the year. So when I do get to integrate those aspects into my wardrobe, I get really excited.

TMM: Fashion will probably never be the same again, along with many other aspects of our life. How do you see your style adapting to our ‘new normal’?

Fashion will definitely not be the same again. This year, we’re learning how to diversify our feeds, our minds and our wardrobes. More people are advocating for sustainable fashion and we’ve seen a rise in support for local businesses, and businesses owned by POC. On an individual level, I am also making more conscious choices and ditching one-time outfits for investment pieces and I’m  shopping more from indie local brands. I’m also finding new ways to elevate loungewear. All in all, the fashion industry is finally opening up to changes that’ll boost diversity and creativity. I’m ready for the ride.

Thanks to Shehzeen and Lamisa for sharing their unique perspectives. What’s your take on this topic? Do you dress for yourself or others? Or both? Leave your thoughts below!