On the 4th of October 2019, we moved from Ocean Village, Southampton to the heart of East London. A van set off with our worldly belongings as we followed suit in our car, leaving behind a home of 3.5 years. A home that was our first two bed property rental as a couple. But it was so much more than just a rental. It is at this home that we conceived and birthed a baby (and a blog) and watched him take his first steps. Moving out was an emotionally fraught affair to say the least. As we hit the A27, there was no looking back.
When we left London in 2016, I would have laughed out of joy if someone summoned this scenario in a crystal ball for me. Moving back to London has always been on my mind but the way I felt about it had changed. As a family, the quiet and comfort of a smaller city like So’ton were great blessings, something all the excitement of London could not make up for.
To say that the move was complicated would be an understatement. We couldn’t secure a spot in Aryan’s new daycare till mid-November so I spent most of October trying to wfh with a toddler. I was unsuccessfully juggling two full time jobs – not only did I feel like I was failing both, I couldn’t keep up with the most urgent of life admin. Aryan also happened to choose this window to grow two brand new teeth and the sleep deprivation that followed was devastating. Putting him down for naps felt like a battle that left me drained. He stuck to me like a magnet. The change in scene plus the sudden absence of his Daddykins upset him. It took me a while to understand this.
I revillaged – I took help from all my friends to ride the storm out. I also went on annual leave for the last week of the month. In retrospect, I don’t know how I would have coped otherwise. My mental health, already flaky, was rapidly deteriorating by then. I desperately needed to recharge my depleted batteries.
My blogging world was quite happening this month. I hit 5k (wohoo). I met my boo @farhanamuna, who flew in all the way from Australia. I met the lovely @themunchingmedic. Moving to London has made my insta world a lot more real and tangible.
Between moving and working from home and grappling with a new routine for all, our living room couch hardly got a chance to warm up. We started Riverdale S4 though.
This is that one month in 2019 that I failed to focus on reading. My headspace was akin to an egg that got smashed on the kitchen counter on its way to the cooking pan. Scrambled ̶e̶g̶g̶s̶ brains was the flavour of the month.
I don’t know if it’s the London air or its fashionable inhabitants, but I am once again interested in throwing together cute outifts. I am switching up my style from Leigh to Mom Jeans. And loving it! October has been proper cold so all the woollies and coats have come out of hiding.
Aryan has become so much more of a person this month. His emotions are reaching heightened states – if he gets hurt, he will stop and rub his head pointedly. If he is not happy with what is playing on TV, he will gesticulate wildly till we change it. He says Mummy and Daddy on repeat, like a little chant of self-affirmation. We never taught him to say these words so I think he picked it up from daycare? Someone asked me whether I would rather he call us ma and baba. I thought about it and realised I really don’t mind. Whatever comes naturally to him is good enough for us.
His Bengali side comes out when he pretends to talk on the phone, saying E’llooooo like a 35 year old Uncle (pronounced as Unkel). He is also an avid Bollywood fan and takes a special interest in Ranveer Singh songs. One of his favourite moves is to spin round and round till it gets him dizzy. Our attempts to stop him is not welcome.
Perhaps one of his funniest traits is his need to say bye when he decides its time for a nap/he is going to another room/he is going out. He follows each bye with fervent kisses that he blows from the palm of his hands, repeating till he is satisfied.
He has taken a wild disliking to me using the loo – he is often stood outside wailing as I try to answer nature’s call in the shortest time possible. He loves pushing lift buttons (and mine). He has quite a penchant for the word No. Our conversations go something like this:
Aryan, can you stop it?
Aryan, do you want to eat this?
Aryan, do you like Mummy?
That’s a lie because he LOVES his Mummy! He comes running to give me random kisses and got insanely jealous when I cuddled my friend’s newborn. More recently, he gets very upset if someone he doesn’t know so much as touches me.
I keep thinking, over and over, how much I will miss this age of his. How much I will miss having my little, mummy-obsessed baby. I am basking in his affection and feel grateful for it beyond measure.
Recipe On Repeat
This month has been a lot about takeaways, eating out and generous food gifts from friends. I haven’t spent a lot of time over the stove and whenever I have, its been a quick affair.
What’s Coming Up?
CHILDCARE. Cant wait to have childcare in place so that I can climb back on top of my workload and feel a semblance of control in my life. Winter is fully setting in. And I am two digests away from a brand new year. Let that sink in for a bit.