As I walked out of Royal South Hants Hospital on the 6th of June, ten days past my due date, my eyes were moist with freshly wiped tears. The midwife had unsuccessfully attempted a membrane sweep that just did not make sense to me. ‘Samira, your cervix is shut tight.’
The experience was horrible. I cried like a child. Facing this sudden and new kind of pain made my imminent delivery very real and – there was no ignoring it – scary. I found myself inconsolable, the dull pain left by the failed membrane sweep and my growing fear of labour morphing into a depressing state of mind. Amidst the emotional turmoil, one feeling emerged strongly above all. I realised I was mad that my exceptionally active pregnancy had done nothing for me. It did not help that I had nothing and no one to be mad at. It did not seem to matter to me that this was normal for a first time pregnancy.
When I got into bed that night, my fickle pregnant mood took a different direction. I was suddenly sad realising that my baby would soon be out of me. We have shared this magical journey for nearly ten months and it was now time to grow as individual entities. I decided to put in all the positive energy I could muster to cherish our last day together, two hearts beating in one body in sweet harmony. To embrace the swollen smiles and chubby calves in all their glory.
I tried my best to have a normal day. In the morning I went for a long walk and got myself a hair treatment. The hairdresser sympathised with my heavily preggers state and treated me to a free head massage. I did grocery shopping at Asda and browsed books at Waterstones. I found myself pouring over someone’s birth story and although it was supposed to worsen my fears, I felt a strange sort of calm. I am made for this, I thought. I can do this! In the evening Nizar and I took a short car ride to the nearby park for the last round of photos with the bump.
I am booked in at Princess Anne Hospital tomorrow for a 9 am induction. After months of anticipation, it is time to meet our little baby boy. I am excited to see his face and nervous because I feel like I don’t know what’s coming my way. I understand induction is meant to be a painful process but I have a beautiful little prize waiting for me on the other side. And I simply cannot wait to hold him in my arms.